That's the question that a little voice inside me asks from time to time.
"Am I allowed to feel okay in the midst of all this chaos?"
The truth is, today I feel okay.
Or I should say, "In this latter half of the day, I feel okay."
This morning on the other hand, had me awake at 6:30am without an alarm clock, stirring up anxious feelings about what the day ahead would bring. A little bit of nothing? A little bit of world-stopping everything?
I'm feeling the contradiction within.
I'm okay, but sometimes I don't feel okay.
Other people...some are doing okay.
Other people...some are not doing okay.
Sometimes, when I'm doing okay, and hear from a friend or loved one that they're not doing okay, suddenly I don't feel as okay.
In that moment...that's when I get to Work.
I observe the Part of me that feels guilty for being okay, the Part of me that doesn't feel okay at all, and the Part of me that always feels okay. I lean into the deepest Part of myself that always feels okay, and am washed over by a sense of trust and calm. There is no fear here, only trust. A deep knowing that this too, is okay. It has to be, because this is the reality of the moment. To fight against it or try to make it anything other than what it is, is fighting against reality.
The next time I observe the thought travel across my mind, "Am I allowed to feel okay in the midst of all this chaos?"
I know the answer is yes.
I'm allowed to feel whatever I'm feeling at any given moment.
You're allowed too.